It’s five-twenty in the morning. I am literally wiping sleep (in the form of eye boogers) from my eyes as I flick on my high beams to cut through the darkness of early morning. On four and a half hours of sleep I am more than reluctant to work an eight hour shift.
Is this really worth it? My son is five months and every morning at this same time I ask myself this question. Most days the answer is no. But I am a working mommy. If I had my choice I would be a work-from-home mommy; the term stay-at-home doesn’t fit me, I always have to be doing something.
Even so, the next eight hours seem like a mountain worth of time, especially, when my eight hours usually turns into ten hours or more.
At the end of my shift I am always ready to go. I plot the minutes in my head and predict the exact time I’ll lay eyes on my little man. As I run the various errands I keep thinking of the last eight hours and what I missed. I feel guilty.
Finding Darren’s second ticklish spot.
Not being able to comfort him because he has a potential ear infection and is still getting over a weekend cold.
Is this really worth it?
It would be easier if I knew for sure that he misses me while I am not with him. Stupid right? He’s a baby all I should be worried about is that he is safe and happy. But I want him to miss me. I want him to be fussy, not because he his constipated, but because his is pinning for his mama.
But no, my son is the chillist of all chill babies. He’s eternally happy (if he’s not hungry or tired or sick), especially if all the little girls are there talking and playing with him.
Until I walk (run) into daycare.
“Where’s my little man?”
He’s looking at me from his care giver’s arms
He starts frantically flapping his arms.
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHAAAAAAA.” There’s a huge smile on his face.
He leans out for me to hold him. Once he is in my arms he goes into cuddle mode. Snuggling in to my shoulder he immediately starts mouthing it.
“Ah Ah Ah Ah,” mouth wide he rubs back and forth, sits back and squeals, flaps, and cuddles some more.
My heart melts.
Is it worth it? At that one moment of my-mommy-is-here! reaction.
Yeah, it’s definitely worth it.